Three things in human life are important. The first is to be kind. The second is to be kind. The third is to be kind. –Henry James
You’ve probably noticed that I haven’t posted much here the last week. I began this blog about a year ago and through the blog I have learned a lot about South Berwick and had the pleasure of meeting many wonderful South Berwick residents. However, over the last few months I find myself not liking the blog and dreading reading the comments that are posted on it. Some of the discussion that takes place on the blog is informative and promotes understanding about issues and the various viewpoints people have. However, many of the comments seem to me to be mean-spirited and uncivil. As the owner of the blog and a citizen of South Berwick I have become more and more uncomfortable that I am providing a forum for this kind of interchange. It being the turn of the year and the time for assessment and resolutions, I took a break from the blog over the last week to think about what to do with the blog in the next year.
I had pretty much come to the conclusion that anonymity and unmoderated postings have to go, and then I went to my email yesterday to catch up on reading the comments that had come in while I was taking a break and my decision was confirmed. The comments from the last week showed the best and worst of the blog. While there is good discussion about traffic options where people are presenting their ideas and sharing information about the traffic issue in a civil respectful way, there are other threads where the rhetoric goes over the line of what I consider to be civil and constructive. Commenters, under the cover of anonymous user names, have made patently false and mean-spirited comments disparaging the motives, honesty, and intelligence of teachers, school administrators, public employees, school board members, and town councilors. I believe these kinds of comments only stir misplaced outrage, stop civil dialogue, and if they are not technically hate speech, are the first cousins to hate speech.
I truly don’t understand the motives of those who want to turn every issue into an “us” vs. “them” fight, and paint those who have different opinions or positions as liars, idiots, or swindlers. I believe it hurts our community and I know that it is not the kind of conversation I want any part of. My experience of people in South Berwick is that the vast majority are kind, earnest, hardworking, and honest individuals who are trying to make a good life for themselves and their families and who genuinely care about the well being of others in the community. I have also observed that the majority of residents understand that we are facing complex issues and are eager to engage in civil dialog to explore options and come up with solutions that balance the needs of a diverse community. I also believe that bitter, angry rhetoric serves to turn thoughtful people away from civic discussion, leaving only the most strident and extreme views. I know this has happened on this blog and I think it happens frequently at our town meetings.
I think we are hurt as a nation, a town, and as individuals when we allow a culture of angry, mean-spirited rhetoric dominate our public discussions. I can’t change the culture of our nation or our town, but I can exert some control over the kind of communication that happens on this blog. Therefore I am instituting a new policy for posting. It consists of two changes:
1) All commenters must be registered users with their first and last name as their publicly displayed screen name. Go to the subscribe page to register. If I don’t know you, I will verify whether you are a real person by looking up your name in my trusty South Berwick directory or by Googling your name. I know some people are reluctant to use their names on the internet but it is the only way I can think to make people responsible for what they say. It’s easy to say anything if you are anonymous. I know this will cut down on the comments but I also believe that the comments that come through will be more thoughtful and constructive.
2) For a while at least, all comments will be held for moderation. This means I will be notified via email when a new comment is posted and will review it before it goes live on the site. This way I will be able to assure that all commenters are using their full names and will be able to assure that all comments pass my “civility” test. Diverse viewpoints will still be accepted; however accusations and negative assertions about people will not be posted. This is not about censoring certain ideas; it is about how those ideas are expressed. It is possible to completely disagree or to have a very strong opinion and still be respectful and kind. Feel free to discuss and challenge ideas, but be assured that statements accusing people of nefarious motives or acts or making blanket negative assertions about whole groups of people will not get posted. I hope that requiring a name will cause commenters to mind their manners and I can stop having to moderate comments soon.
I regret that these changes will make posting comments more difficult for everyone, including all of you whose comments have consistently been civil and constructive. I hope that the changes will make all of us think a little more before posting something that may be more angry or more abrasive than we might intend. I hope those of you who value spirited civic conversation will continue to participate in discussion at the 236 Diner. We are facing tough times and will need every good idea and a spirit of mutual trust and cooperation to get through this. If we can have respectful discussion here that helps inform citizens, provides access to viewpoints and options, and adds to the critical analysis of solutions, we can all be better citizens and go to town and school meetings armed with informed opinions and advice that can help the town be an even better place to live.
Thank you
Molly Colman
If you have questions or want to discuss these changes offline, email me at molly@the236diner.com
When I was young, I used to admire intelligent people; as I grow older, I admire kind people. –Abraham Joshua Heschel
Constant kindness can accomplish much. As the sun makes ice melt, kindness causes misunderstanding, mistrust, and hostility to evaporate. –Albert Schweitzer
Kind words do not cost much. Yet they accomplish much. –Blaise Pascal
Kindness is the golden chain by which society is bound together.–Goethe
Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. –Philo
Molly- I applaud your work on this website and admire your commitment to making it better. I’ve never feared using my real name when I voice an opinion- either here or at public meetings. I feel a person should be willing to support what they have to say with their reputation.
I’m sad that you feel the need to moderate the discussion to keep things civil. You already do so much in our community and this website is a terrific forum that would not exist without your effort. I’m not blogging all of the time and I don’t know all of the comments that are posted, but I’ve never been overly offended by something I’ve read here. In fact, I feel that there is something therapeutic about writing a scathing remark directed at a topic you oppose. A few times I have read remarks that almost “crossed a line” on the website and the posters were quickly lambasted by other bloggers.
I heartily agree that posters should back up their comments with their real names, but I fear that this website will loose something if it’s moderated too strongly. We are already limited so much in our society by “political correctness”. I find it refreshing to read the raw passion that my fellow bloggers pour into their comments- regardless of whether I agree with them or not.
That’s my opinion…..thank you for giving me a place to voice it.
Brian
Thanks for the support and for voicing your opinion. I don’t like the idea of moderating either. I like free conversation and frankly, the time it will take doesn’t seem very appealing. I agree with you that it is therapeutic to write spirited remarks about a topic you oppose. Unfortunately a few people persist in writing scathing remarks about people or groups of people, not about the ideas they oppose. It’s the difference between writing “Molly is stupid for making this new policy” and “I think the new policy is stupid because it hinders free discussion.” I have no problem with the second, but the first does not engender good will, nor does it further the discussion, and it is hurtful. If you call someone stupid, then the conversation is likely to become a fight about whether the person is stupid or not; if you tell someone you disagree with their idea and why you disagree, then the conversation is more likely to be about the idea. That’s what I want to see on the blog.
Too many times the people who have put themselves out to be town councilors, school board members, and public employees have been the target of the first type of comment on this blog. There is no reason to say those things, especially in a written public forum that is going to live on the web for a long time. I’m hoping that using real names will make people think just a little bit about how they say things and express themselves in a way that furthers discussion about ideas. I would be happy to stop moderating comments if the name policy keeps things respectful.
By the way, your comment is a model of good communication. You started with where you agree with the policy, you stated how you feel about the part of the policy that you don’t agree with, and why you feel that way. It opened communication rather than shutting it down.
Brian, I agree that postings on the Diner have become strident and over the top. That may or may not be bad. But what was bad was the “license” people have exercised (with apparent anonymity) to spout “opinion” that was patently derogatory, maligning of peoples intentions and integrity, and “information” that was just plain incorrect. Some really incorrect and hurtful stuff has been slung here.
It had gotten to the point that many people I know who originally used the blog as a community resource simply stopped; were driven away. People I know have presented well researched, well reasoned posts only to be completely iattacked by anonymous people with venomous blog personalities. Many people I know (general citizens and some elected public servants) have been painted on the Diner with broad brushes as being stupid, disingenuous, dishonest, or deceitful. Who’s going to keep participating in that? Come on….
So Molly, thanks for this blog, and thanks for considering that it was being “hijacked”, and stopping it. I appreciated your comment about it being a cousin to hate speach, and that you wanted no part of that. It may reduce the volume, but certainly not the relevance or quality of what gets posted here.
Bill-
I feel bad about people being hurt by some of the things that have been said here. When someone writes something questioning someone’s intentions or integrity, I always have this thought “I hope their kids don’t read this.” I think a blog like this is different than a national blog where everyone is anonymous and not likely to know each other.
I have followed how other websites handle comments over the last year and recently some of the big newspaper sites have stopped anonymous comments and have gone to moderated comments. I know that the 236 Diner is not unique in struggling to balance open communication with keeping things civil. Something about the internet seems to bring out bad things in people. I think it’s just too easy to write while angry and publish something before you think better of it.
Molly,
Good point– the national blogs are clearly anonymous. The Diner is basical a S. Berwick – Eliot feature, where many people are known to many people. The internet is an interesting phenomenon. There must be a psychological mechanism that promotes the expression of cynicism and hostility by some! Someone should study that……………
It’s kind of like driving a car. I don’t think anyone would yell or gesture at annoying motorists if they had to get out of their cars and discuss their moves!!
Molly -
I think your idea of requiring the names of the ‘contributors’ to the236diner is a great one and I hope that alone raises the level of conversation up a much needed notch.
[As you can see I've already updated my profile to display my name, FYI to fellow readers I was just listed as JB in the past]
I was one of the people that stopped reading / visiting the site, it felt draining to me to read the mean-spirited quips, that frankly often got off topic.
I hope in 2009 the site can provide a space for civilized discourse on a wide range of issues, form serious discussion of local politics to light hearted smiles created by the ‘Today I Saw’ stories and everything in between!
Happy New Year – JB
Molly, I applaud you decision. I hope the time it takes you to moderate will be well spent, and not have to last too long. The Eliotonline (EOL) email list has bouts of the same problem (hateful comments, often about elected officials at local to national levels), though the majority of emails are friendly, helpful, and kind. I enjoyed the quotes on kindness, and will quote your quotes on EOL with a link to the new policy. Thanks again.